The woes of a single girl on a mission to avoid men.

Ok so we all know I have an extremely poor track record with the R word…relationships…or just boys/men in general really! I pretty much spend my time avoiding single men and ALL of my best boy friends are my friends boyfriends, it’s just safer that way! No need to deal with the awkward situation where one likes the other and things get tangled…

HOWEVER

Despite living by these guidelines I still seem to find myself in THE most awkward situations (for me anyways! Let’s face it I can be a very awkward person). On 3 separate occasions since moving to London I have found myself having to smile and politely edge away from the male species as they tell me I’m beautiful, that they ‘just had to say hello’ and that they would love to go out with me…CRINGE.

Let me tell you some stories:

Covent Garden Man
This was encounter 1 of 2 whilst living in London during summer 2013. I was walking through Covent Garden when all of sudden I hear ‘Excuse me, excuse me!’. Naturally I think I must have dropped something and some nice person is trying to return it to me however, when I turn around I see a man (can’t remember what he looks like I was too shocked) bounding towards me! He tells me that he was sat outside at a nearby cafe, saw me walk past and couldn’t resist running after me to tell me how beautiful he thought I was. I MEAN WHO DOES THAT!?

‘Right…’ I thought!

I then proceeded to answer every question he had for me with a complete lie.

‘What are you doing?’
Oh just been shopping. (Actually been at work but didn’t want him to know I worked around there)

‘Oh do you live near here?’
No I’m just in London for the day…(Actually lived about 10 mins walk away and did so for a month or so)

‘Do you have time for a drink?’
Afraid not I’ve got to go meet my Mum sorry! (Actually went home and spent my whole afternoon sat watching episode after episode of Drop Dead Diva)

I then very politely thanked him for the compliment and walked away QUICKLY before he had chance to decide on another sprint to catch up with me again.

London Eye Man
This was encounter 2 of summer 2013 in London. This time I was spending a Saturday afternoon minding my own business catching some rays and people watching in Jubilee Gardens next to the London Eye. Next thing I know a man who looked like he must be in his very late twenties at the least came and sat next to me deciding to strike up a full on conversation. He had a very strong accent and so hurdle number one on trying to politely shoo him away was simply understanding what he was saying!
This man had decided that he wanted us to be ‘friends’. Now whether he meant friends or ‘friends’ 😉 by this who knows but honestly…I didn’t want to talk to anyone! Friend or more! When I politely tried to tell him that we couldn’t be friends without knowing each other first he said ‘Yes that is why I am talking to you so we can be friends’…

‘Greattt…’ I thought! Now what?

I went on to tell him that he seemed like a very nice man but I just didn’t really need any more friends and wasn’t going to be in London very long so it would be difficult anyway. THEN he decided it wouldn’t be so difficult if he had my phone number!!

‘Oh joyyy..’ It just gets better!

I told him that I was sorry I didn’t want anymore friends and he asked ‘Why?’. I told him I had enough, he said ‘you can never have too many friends, I’ll be good!’ I said sorry I just don’t want anymore, he once again asked ‘Why?’. It was like trying to reason with a 5 year old!! I told him I was shy and didn’t want to make any more friends, to which he replied ‘you don’t seem very shy’! I tried EVERYTHING to get through to him but he was not having it! By this point I was hoping someone, anyone, would come and save me, even another guy! Gosh then I’d be like the piece of bread all the seagulls flock around! HA! Ye right! Anyways I won’t drag on (like the real conversation did), I did eventually manage to get rid of him by repeating the same things over and over again until I’m pretty sure he just got bored!
Safe to say the minute he walked away I went home to avoid anymore encounters! Peaceful afternoon of sunbathing well and truly ruined.

Pret Boy
Now this encounter happened today and was the final straw of inspiration to writing my woes in this blog post. You may notice that this was a ‘boy’ rather than a ‘man’ that is because he was still at uni. I know I have only just graduated and may be the same age as him but somehow him being at uni made him seem VERY young! ALSO…how is it that I went through 3 years of uni without ever being so much as chatted to by a uni guy and NOW I attract them!?!
Anyways I was sat minding my own business with my headphones on next to the window in Pret when I get tapped on the shoulder. I think it’s someone asking me to leave because I’d finished eating and it was busy but nooooo he had purposely come into Pret to tell me how beautiful he thought I was. Naturally I looked shocked, awkward and was wishing him to disappear to which he said ‘you look shocked, do you not get many handsome guys coming to tell you you’re beautiful?’ HA! Oh god could he be any more corny. THEN he said ‘Oh look it must be fate the people next to you are leaving so I can sit and chat to you’. I used every ounce of fairy dust I had to wish those people to stay there but unfortunately they DID leave and he DID sit down. The conversation continued, him asking me where I was from, what I do etc etc. and me being very friendly and polite because I could never be anything else but then he asked for my number… doh! He also did that thing which I am pretty sure is programmed into guys when they’re born whereby he phoned me before saying goodbye to check I had given him the right number! Luckily I had and just planned to ignore him when he tried to contact me but then when he decided to watch me save his number into my phone too I had that awkward moment of not remembering the name he had just told me, partly because I wasn’t really paying attention and really was just praying for it to be over! Anyways, he decided to set a date to meet again, so if anyone wants to meet man number 3 then be at Oxford Circus Topshop next Friday at 9pm, he’ll see ya there 😉 Don’t worry I do plan on replying if he messages me letting him down gently, but no thankyou i’m not going.

One final detail about this encounter…I got a kiss on each cheek when he left, a kiss on each cheek from a horrible wirey beard, the feeling of which lingered for hours afterwards! Bleurgh.

Now I know this may all sound like very strange reactions to any normal girl who would love to be flattered by men feeling the need to tell her she’s beautiful but honestly, this is why I avoid guys! I find that odd need they all have to flirt with a girl instantly really rather annoying! I am just about getting comfortable with talking to strangers (who don’t want to flirt with me!) now…lets take things slow hey!

Hope you enjoyed my ramblings and had a giggle or two at my very unlucky expense!

**Oh and here’s a fun little game…count how many times I use the word awkward!!**

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One thought on “The woes of a single girl on a mission to avoid men.

  1. Pingback: Where next? |

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